Week 8 — “Driver’s Seat”
Hey Friends!
Happy Sunday! For those who observe - Happy Mother's Day! - and for those who don't, sending so much love regardless.
Fair warning, I'm having a little trouble articulating and getting clear today, so this may be a bit of a bumpy ride. If you're coming along, buckle up with all valuables accounted for and securely fastened. And if not, please do exit the vehicle now.
I think I want to talk about our experiences and that annoyingly true thing about how we wouldn't be who we are without them - because science says that the anatomy of our brain actually changes in response to them (which is SO COOL but maybe still annoying).
I think I'd like to be uplifting and find a way to say it all matters, because truly it does, but I'm struggling with that a little...
and by a little I mean that I literally had to put my notebook down, close my eyes and count to ten just now.
Because...what is this - this experience we're all having right now? What is this turning us into? How on earth are we ever going to explain this to our kids or...our friends' kids one day?
And really, this moment feels like it's probably just going to be one small blip in the collection of moments that create our timelines. But, it also felt like it probably wasn't going to happen at all. So as far as small blips go right now, it feels a little more like it's the one domino that knocked over the rest.
And I don't know how to set them back up again or what to do with that. For any of us.
In working to head in something that might be the right direction, I find myself looking for comfort in my past experiences, often thinking, "Okay, when have I felt like this before? When have I learned this?"
Turns out, I am coming across some common landmarks:
I've felt like my life was turned upside down overnight before.
I've felt alone and heartbroken before.
I've felt like I was making the right choice, even if it wasn't the easy shortcut, before.
I've felt strong enough to close the door before.
I've felt joy in rediscovering who I am before.
And I've felt surprised by just how many dishes I use on a daily basis before.
What I'm trying to get at is, while this experience feels inexplicable and unforgivable, it does feel like life took care of me just enough to at least give me the prior experiences I needed to navigate this new path. And, as it tends to, life also seems to have found enough time to set up some additional speed bumps to shake up those bits of me that are still unrefined, in need of some attention and requiring me to slow down.
I'm thinking (and hoping) that life has done the same for you.
So what do we do with that? Well, I'm really not sure, but there is a theme that seems to be circling me right now - our experiences are just that, experiences.
End of sentence.
End of story.
So, instead of being sore and in pain, I am experiencing the sensation of soreness and pain. Instead of being tired, I am feeling tired. Instead of being childless, I am someone who just has not taken that journey.
And instead of being who I want to be, I am enjoying the feeling of being me.
And ya, it sounds like I'm being picky about words. Let me assure you, I am. Because words matter.
When we rephrase those sentences, what we're actually doing is taking the ownership of our selves back from our experiences. They are things to observe, to learn from and to move forward with but they do not own us.
Because we own, steer, control and define our experiences - not the other way around.
And there it is. That's what I want us to do this week.
Own it. All of it.
Take it and make it yours.
You've got this, friend. Let me know how I can support - happy to sit beside you and help navigate all of it.
Stay healthy. Stay safe. Stay in the driver's seat.
All my love,
C
(5/10/20)